On my first day back I decided to leave the bag of boots under my desk rather than cycle them the 11km back home. I returned the next day and a pair of boots had been stolen. This is an unfortunate common aspect of life in Tonga - lying and petty crime is endemic.
Kids who need boots... looks like one kid has footy boots
A month previously I was chatting to a colleague of mine, a Fijian, who has lived in Tonga for 18 years. He is married to a Tongan and his job is community orientated, where ever we go in Tonga people are shouting out to him and he is well liked. We were discussing the recent theft of a my housemate’s bike while driving my National team back home after training and he said,
“Man… Tongans are the biggest hypocrites in the world. All week they steal and lie but think if they go to church on Sunday, say sorry and put some Pa’anga in the collection plate it is all OK.”
At first I didn’t give his comment too much credence as I assumed it was simply a frustrated comment from a frustrated man who has had to deal with Tongans in his professional, private and community life for the past 18 years. And believe me; I can see how that may lead you to be frustrated!
However, after the latest in what is becoming a long line of incidents involving theft, deception and flat out lying that I and my housemates have experienced, I fundamentally think he is correct. I want to make clear that I am no angel and I, like everyone else have lied before. However there is something about the endemic nature of petty crime and deception here in Tonga that means it is hard to swallow. Collectively we have had bikes, bags, clothes, underwear and speedos stolen from our house. Other friends here have had the same and more stolen from their houses and the suspicion is that my Fijian colleague is correct. A number of Tongans really do believe that if they repent their sins on Sunday, what they have done during the week is fundamentally ‘forgiven’.
Dear Father, please forgive me as I have sinned... these Speedos are way too tight for a Tongan
The more people I talk to the more I realise that Tongans have no problem in lying outright, continuously to your face. The problem with this is that from the stories I have heard and experienced myself you just don’t want to question the honesty of that person. For example, a mate of mine recently told me a Tongan work colleague said he couldn’t attend anymore afternoon work meetings as his wife was in hospital sick and he needed to be with her. Of course she felt sorry for him and actually took him to the hospital more than once. It turned out, unsurprisingly now, that he just couldn’t be bothered working in the afternoon and his wife was in perfectly good health at home. The problem I have with this is that a number of Tongans have no problem ‘pulling a few heart strings’ to ensure their lies go unquestioned.
Maybe I am naïve, but in my professional and personal life back home I could never imagine anyone I know pulling a ‘sicky’ on the false basis that a relative of theirs was in hospital. You just wouldn’t ‘cry wolf’ like that. While I know people may throw ‘sickies’ as they are too hungover to stomach work or have a severe case of Man Flu, I just see it as disgusting to pretend one of your loved ones is sick or at death’s door in hospital to get an afternoon off work. I have experienced the same thing with people at work saying they need to visit the hospital to see a relative for long periods of time and even one, now ex-national player, saying he couldn’t come to training as his son was sick in hospital. This turned out to be a lie and I dropped from the team.
Now please don’t get me wrong. I love Tongans and they are genuinely friendly, lovely people. However when you have to question if people are telling you the truth everyday and you feel that your underwear would be much safer on a Hills Hoist back at home then it can leave a sour taste in your mouth sometimes.
The problem, as I see it, is that Tongans believe they have a ‘get out of jail free card’ in the church. If my Fijian colleague is correct, and I think that in most cases he is, what would Tongan communities look like if there wasn’t such an overbearing influence exuded by the church? I know the church does do some good here in Tonga, however would people be happy to steal and lie if they didn’t think that by going to church on a Sunday and giving a few Pa’anga they were given a clean slate for the coming week? I personally don’t think they would.
